i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I love having hate sex.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
