Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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