why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
