and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
