He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
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