need another drink. this is the easiest way
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
