and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
