we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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