he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
