I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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