She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
