cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
