Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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