I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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