If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
