Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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