my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
