Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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