I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
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One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize