Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
