Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
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It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize