Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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