Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
