all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
