why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
