dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I want a musical about memes.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
