he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Im part way to drunk.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
