Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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