That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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