Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
