I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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