Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
