I murdered the dance floor call the cops
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
