i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
