u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
