I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
