do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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