blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
