Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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