I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
