I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
