Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
