Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?

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  (312): Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place? http://tfl.nu/b6u5
  Replies (1) Good night (2090) Bad night (780)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.

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  (425): There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason. http://tfl.nu/skwm
  Replies (48) Good night (669) Bad night (3429)
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  (585): View more from New York

  It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.

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  (585): It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight. http://tfl.nu/zyt9
  Replies (10) Good night (3389) Bad night (866)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us

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  (512): we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us http://tfl.nu/0aiz
  Replies (2) Good night (2910) Bad night (521)
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  (916): View more from California

  I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.

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  (916): I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike. http://tfl.nu/qggw
  Replies (19) Good night (6644) Bad night (653)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend

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  (617): Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents? (1-617): Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend http://tfl.nu/hheb
  Replies (28) Good night (3743) Bad night (1196)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."

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  (913): I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady." http://tfl.nu/ftym
  Replies (11) Good night (6284) Bad night (1043)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

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  (514): He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic. http://tfl.nu/4dpi
  Replies (38) Good night (12168) Bad night (1203)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts

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  (630): btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts http://tfl.nu/hxut
  Replies (4) Good night (3737) Bad night (939)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent

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  (301): Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent http://tfl.nu/21ar
  Replies (8) Good night (3242) Bad night (1738)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...

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  (508): I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ... http://tfl.nu/q441
  Replies (5) Good night (657) Bad night (1919)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"

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  (732): Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??" http://tfl.nu/dlt9
  Replies (7) Good night (1046) Bad night (541)
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  (845): View more from New York

  You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"

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  (845): You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender" http://tfl.nu/qf49
  Replies (3) Good night (1507) Bad night (498)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me

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  (251): Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me http://tfl.nu/bz24
  Replies (1) Good night (531) Bad night (262)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.

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  (206): Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome. http://tfl.nu/oir7
  Replies (3) Good night (377) Bad night (288)

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