If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.