well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!