I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
