FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
