If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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