I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
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i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
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Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.