I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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