where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
