I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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