my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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