Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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