Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
this just has baby written all over it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
