your parents love me but you hate me
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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