I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
