hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
