There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
