yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
