he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
