sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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