she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
