thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
