u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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