She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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