I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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