he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
