Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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