im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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