literally had 100 drinks last night.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
