im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
