So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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