He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
