Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
