Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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