this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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