It's Friday. Sex?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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