i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just forgot I was standing up.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
