I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
