I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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