I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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