So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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