Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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