The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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