Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
