You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My breath smells like gin and sadness
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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