Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
