Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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