Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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