the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
