Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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