hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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