I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
