That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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