The maid of honor just puked.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
