I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
